I fought the law... but the law won.

"aw crap!"

"Mom...Crap is a bad word."

"ugh, I know Poppy, I know"

Let's rewind 10 seconds shall we.

We are merrily on our way to a ENT appointment for Ola. Mark is in the passenger seat, the kids are in the back of my mom mobile.

I take our quiet road and then a even quieter back road to get to the freeway. Roads passing by blueberry fields, a turf farm, horses, ranches, markets.

I am really happy on my road, until "they" appear.

The "doddlers."

These people drive me crazy. Out for a sunday drive at 9 am on a Tuesday.

I pondered my options.

1. Wait it out. It will only take 5 minutes to get to the highway now.
2. Pass em.

I looked, it was safe. I had a striped yellow line. I could pass.

I did.

and then I promptly got pulled over. I could hear the laughter from the doddlers as they passed by me.

"aw crap!"

"Mom... Crap is a bad word."

"ugh, I know Poppy, I know"

Mark could hardly contain his laughter as I slowed and turned off onto a side road where I joined 3 other cars.

"I don't even know what to do! I have never been pulled over before! I have driven for half my life and I haven't even gotten a parking ticket!"

I rolled down my window and smiled.

"hi there" (I smiled as cutely as I could)

He smiled back. (it's working! It's working! I am so cute he is going to let me go!)

"You know why I pulled you over right?" He flashes the radar gun my way. 91km.

"yes"

"Ok, can I see your licence please?

"Sure, I am allowed to get out of my car? It's in the back?"

"Yes mamm"

Ahh crap he called me Mamm.

"Am I going to find anything on your record?

"No way! I have never even gotten a parking ticket! This is just as bad as the time I got my first cavity."

"uhh, Ok Mamm, can I see your registration?"

"ok" sulking

The officer walked away and Mark laughed some more.

"you won't get a ticket"

"yes I will! he called me Mamm. Ugh... why with you and the girls in the car?"

Poppy starts asking me questions.

 I am so annoyed at myself, that and the fact that I am now going to be late to the ENT.

The officer comes back, tells me that he is going to be "nice" and only give me a speeding ticket, not an excessive speeding ticket.

I say thank you about a hundred times like he is giving me the winning lotto numbers.

He tells me that if I pay within 30 days I will save even more money.

"Thank You officer."

"No problem, take care Lead foot.

Lead foot! I think he meant to say Leanna.

He did mean to say Leanna right?

holy hell on wheels

Last night I did something that really scared me.

driving to the scary rink

Have you ever read those Lululemon bags? "Do something everyday that scares you." That's what it says.

When I first read that I thought well that could be anything. Sometimes opening up a stinky diaper scares me, but somehow I don't think that's what they had in mind when they printed that on their bags.

After reading a post on another blog Making in Lovely about blogger Nicole doing Derby Lite which from what I understand is Roller derby for fun and exercise. I thought to myself if she can do this, so can I.

Now as I assumed there is no Derby Lite for fun and fitness in my area, but there is a roller derby team. The The Reign Valley Vixens.

Hmm... I think I could do this. Maybe... 

I thought about it for a day or two looked around online, did some reading, and then in a spur of the moment blurted it out to Mark.

I waited for the laughter.

Surprisingly he didn't really laugh. I showed him the website, talked to him about some of the stuff that I read and decided that I wanted to go out and see what it was all about.

I sent an email to the Smash Test Betties which are the newbies of the Vixens asking if I could come watch. I texted a couple of friends to see if they wanted to come with me, but they were both a no go. Then I waited for Thursday.

I was nervous all day. I am not sure why, I wasn't going to skate or anything, but for some reason the idea of the tattooed tough girls freaked me right out (and the dumb part is that I am a tattooed girl myself!)

I remember thinking what the heck are you doing right now? as I walked into the practice rink. I was waiting for the bad girl attitude, rudeness, we are too good for you smugness, but you know what? It wasn't that all all. 

All the girls were really nice, the coach was really cool and I was welcomed with open arms. He took the time to come off the rink and chat, and the derby players were really open to answering my questions.

I was excited but still scared when I decided to buy my skates the other day. I am doing this!

I texted my friend Cynthia last night as I was getting out of my car to go into the rink, "I'm going in, please pray for me"

I went in, and said hi to the girls I had met last week, and started putting on my gear. I must have looked a little silly carrying my stuff in a brown shopping bag. The other girls all have suitcases for all of their stuff.

The coach yelled that we had one minute and it was time to get out on the rink. I am gonna fall flat on my ass, I just know it.

I made it to the middle and we got right into it. They do know I haven't been on skates in 20 years right? ok, is someone going to walk me through this? No? Ok then here I go!

We started with what would be simple exercise drills, minus the skates, pads, helmet and mouth guard, but on skates Oh My Gawd it was hard. It's bad enough barely being able to stand up, but then throw in the getting up and down off the ground and it's a whole other ball game!

We practiced skating and stopping, and just being able to stand up. My toe stops fell off twice and tripped me, so I bailed once but it wasn't bad at all. The pads make me feel way better about hitting the concrete.

I did the whole hour and then stayed to watch the Vixens practice. These are serious athletes. they practice hard! and they have the bruises and scars to prove it.

I feel kinda bad that I had so many misconceptions about them. I hope that maybe I can help change that.

I know I have a really long way to go before getting drafted, but I plan on trying! Then comes the fun part, picking your derby alias!

my super sweet skates and stripy knee high socks

birthday girl

I have been trying and trying to upload this video all day, but it just won't happen.  It looks like I am doing a bad ninja movie. I have no idea why the video and the audio are cockeyed. You can still see us though, and you can hear us.

The video took 6 takes. The first one I cried and cried, the second the dogs barked, the third the phone rang... twice, the fourth was deleted after I took a looonnngg pause, and the fifth after I realized that I had been taking for 5 minutes.

Ola and I had it in one shot :) and after trying to say everything that I have been wanting to say for the last year, I don't think I could sum it up any better than some smiling shots of the birthday girl :)

you know exactly what to do

You know those moments that you have as a parent where you think to yourself "Wow... that could have ended badly."

Those moments where for a moment time runs in slow motion. It almost stops actually, you see everything frame by frame The whole moment probably last only 30 seconds but slowed down in a time of emergency it seems to last minutes.

Your brain rifles through files of information searching for the right piece of info to pull out and read. You scan, Where did I learn what to do in this moment? School? Life? A book? Online? Ugh! And then it happens. Your brain kicks in and you move, you know exactly what to do.

You move swiftly, but not frantically. Get behind her. Get behind her.  You think to yourself. Focus, keep your hands from shaking, that will only make it harder. Your eyes precisely focus on your fingers. Pinch the clip, yeah that's right. You undo one clip at a time first the left, then the right. You shrug off the shoulder straps, pulling out her arms, left then right again. Careful not to pull her arms to hard, don't hurt her.

You pull her out of the highchair from behind, and you look at her face. Her big blue eyes are panicked, so big. She looks straight into yours and wordlessly asks for help. Mom, I can't breathe I am choking! Help me!

Flip her over, you know how to do this, flip her over! and you do it. You flip her on her belly and aim her head down, you smack her back just hard enough that it makes you uncomfortable, and it happens. That little piece of cucumber shoots straight out and hits the floor. 

Mark gets to me, and it's over.

 I flip her back and she smiles and claps her hands, and in that moment I know she will be alright. 

I get a pat on the back and a "Where did you learn how to do that?" 

"First aid and CPR. I had to practice, They had baby dummies, and they put plugs in the airway. You had to do it right to get the plug to shoot out. I did it over and over again making sure I had it. I was one of the only ones in class with a toddler, and a baby on the way, and there was no way I wasn't going to master it."

"Well good thing." 

"Yeah. Whoa that was intense. I guess cucumber is out for now huh?"

I looked at Ola, she smiled.

I took a big deep breath, and was glad that Twiggy got the cucumber and not Basil.

i am here

I just wanted to pop in quickly while a bottle is warming... literally, I have 45 seconds tonight.

This past week has been full of milestones, memories, doggy surgeries, turkey's, chicks and such.

I will be back in a day or two to fill you in.