Thursday, June 23, 2011

late night blogging with a kitten on my shoulder

One of the last times Ola and I saw Katie (our IDP consultant) I talked to her about how I was frustrated about how as a parent I feel like my kids have to compete with other kids to meet milestones and succeed. I was frustrated that even though I went through the same thing with Poppy that I felt like I was experiencing it all over again with Ola.

Obviously I don't need to talk about Ola's potential delays, we all know that they might be there, or they might not. As of right now I think that I can safely say that Ola's development is about 5-8 months behind her peers. I am using that range because her development is staggered right now. She is not as far behind in eating as I think she is in motor skills and speech. Everyone has their opinions on where she should be, but for me I am content in knowing that she is progressing and really that is all that matters. I know that there will be times when the development picks up and other times (like currently) that things slow down. We seem to have hit a stalemate on the crawling (creeping) but are making leaps and bounds in the eating department. I dunno... It is what it is and there is no sense in dwelling in it, it will only make me crazy. Trying to compare kids with Ds to each other is next to impossible. Every child with Ds is so different from one another that something that Ola can do now might not be possible for another child for another 6 months. When I see how other kids are progressing with their crawling I have to remember that Ola is getting really good at her self feeding. It's apples and oranges really, and when our kids are 5 and all doing the same thing the fact that Ola is 14 months and doesn't crawl won't matter.

Now Poppy, she is another story. According to the charts she was late getting her teeth (first one at 9 months), she was a late walker (14 months) and a later talker (2- 2 1/2 years). I remember Mark had to take her for her 18 month inoculations and the public health nurse told him she was "concerned" that at 18 months Poppy's language was so delayed.  Up until that point I knew that maybe she could be saying more but wasn't really that worried about it. I started looking into speech therapy and then realized that the 18 month waiting list would take her to her 4th birthday and that wouldn't fly with me. We got her into a group speech session and by the time the session started she was talking up a storm. There was no need to worry, however I did pick up some stuff that is proving helpful with Ola, so no harm in taking that class I suppose. Currently I am really happy about where Poppy is. I think that she is a sharp as a tac, talks up a storm, and is F U N N Y. She has a memory that astounds me, she remembers everything, and I can't get anything past her.

The other day Katie sent me a really lovely email with a link about "what a 4 year old should know" and I found it really funny that later that night I would have a little crazy mommy rant on my brother about something similar to what I had read.

Let me set the scene.

Someone asked Poppy to count how many servings of ice-cream needed to be dished out for dessert, so Poppy started counting and re-counted two people. Instead of counting 9 she counted 11. I didn't think anything of it, she does that sometimes to be silly (she can count to 14.)

My brother told me that she counted wrong, and I didn't think anything of it until he said to me "She should be able to count to 40."

I asked him why to 40? and he pointed out that he knew a almost 5 year old who could and that Poppy should be able to as well. She is 3 1/2 just so we are clear.

I flipped. I went all crazy mommy on him. I did.

I started spewing things that Poppy could do that I figured this other little one couldn't.

Does she know how to hold a baby chick? collect eggs? hold a kitten? help feed her sister? walk a mini pony? do bum drops on a trampoline?

I freaked and then realized that everyone was staring at me, but I was so mad. Did he think Poppy was stupid? why the pressure to know how to count to 40 at 3 1/2?

I know now that I over-reacted but I think the subject was just so fresh in my head and I was already feeling sensitive on the subject that I didn't know what else to do. Plus I think that I took it personally as a stab at my parenting skills, like I have failed her as a mother because I haven't taught her to count to 40 yet. ( and yes, I know that this does not make me a bad parent.)

Every parent wants their child to be successful and I would be lying if I didn't admit that I do a little happy dance inside when people compliment me on how bright my girls are, whether it be Poppy's funny banter or Ola's bright smile.

Ola and her friends have taught me to not sweat the small stuff. Enjoy painting the sky pink, Draw 6 legs on your cats! just take it day by day and celebrate the daily accomplishments.

Congrats  to J on the 300gm weight gain!
Congrats to P on first pigtails!
Congrats to A for cutting those first teeth!
and congrats to my little Ola for eating tiny pieces of grapes on your own!


Christina said...

Ya on the self feeding! Paige hates it, she picks up the food and then throws it on the floor like its dirty or something. She is still not crawling at 18 months. We are not worried as we are working towards standing and walking instead and will go back to the crawling at some point after she walks. Ola will do things in her own time, I would not worry, although I know it is hard as I do the same thing sometimes.

Amber said...

My 6-year-old, who is just finishing kindergarten and doing very well in school, consistently forgets 13 every time she counts. In theory, she can count to 30 or so, but it always goes "11, 12, 14, 15".

So I say that Poppy is JUST FINE. But yeah, those comparisons bite.